MusicRant: 10 Reasons Why Taylor Swift Sucks

SINGERS

by American Girl with suggestions from her brother, Chicken Man (written on a three day trip to Oregon when we got a dose of too much Swift on the radio)

Whenever I tell people I don’t like Taylor Swift, I essentially get the same response.  People look at me like I killed babies and say “Oh my god! How can you say that? You’re so mean! She’s a sweetheart!”  Well, ladies and gentlemen, you can sugarcoat her all you want, but here it is…

10 Reasons Why Taylor Swift Sucks

1. Screeching and Speaking Does Not a Singer Make. Last time I checked the dictionary, singer meant “one that could sing.”  So why is Ms. Swift’s singing flatter than a plasma TV and twice as sharp? Even when all her studio recorded songs are autotuned to death and written in G to compensate for lack of rang, she still manages to sound like a drowning child.  Obviously her live performances = Ear Hell.

2. Headless Chicken Dancing. I know Taylor Swift practices these moves in front of her mirror at home, but they should be banned to prevent public panic. Wrangling the mike and knocking her head back and forth to attempt a hair swish looks more like an exorcism than her idea of a rock star’s performance.  Professionals should always try to hone their stage presence, so her continued refusal to improve herself as a live performer sums up her lazy and egotistic attitude as an artist.

3. “You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess; It’s a love story baby just say yes”. Welcome to Taylor Swift Song Lyric Writing 101. Let’s begin shall we? Hmmm…let’s first pick a subject, which will be boys of course. Then we’ll write about how much I love him or hate him…let’s decide to love him this time.  Oh, and “yes” rhymes with “princess” so that works. Okay…yay! Number 1 hit!  Okay, next song…let’s write about something that doesn’t have to do with boys…I know! Tim Mcgraw! Oh wait, Tim Mcgraw’s a boy.

4. Screwing up Relationships. Here’s another lyric sample from one of her songs: “Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to catch me now.” Instead of both parties actively communicating to improve themselves for their significant others, Ms. Swift feels that in every relationship, the woman has one mission only: find out whether the man is her Prince Charming or Some Hideous Being Trying To Break Her Heart. This all-or-nothing take on relationships sends this message to teen girls: If the guy forgets your puppy’s last name, dump that jerk, write a song about your feelwings, and cry yourself to sleep. And you wonder why it doesn’t work out, Taylor.

5. Self Pity. If you’re going to cry when someone throws you a punch instead of throwing a punch back, then maybe you deserve to be punched for being a damn weakling.  Ms. Swift takes this idea to a whole new level by willingly asking to be punched several times, while using the image of “victim” to her advantage. Her steady whining about why she is so unloved culminated into the Kanye West Incident of 2009, where her shame at being bullied resulted in the entire country supporting her as the underdog, which exploded into the I-Feel-Bad-For-Myself movement that is now seeping into the subconsciousness of all women.  Now thousands of women worship the Taylor Swift technique, or the “I like being bashed because it makes me feel good” technique, or to put it simply, “I enjoy sadomasochistic relationships.”

6. Man Hating.Taylor Swift makes Jane-Austen-loving, gun-toting feminists look harmless.  So let me get this straight, Taylor Swift fans. It’s not okay for the Jonas Brother to break up with our dear Ms. Swift, but it’s okay for her to dump the werewolf from Twilight.  Is that correct? Hmmmm…why? Because girls have feelings and boys don’t? Because when a boy realizes they do not want you in their life, instead of moving on with yours, you need to make the entire world hate him to make you feel better about yourself, is that correct?

7. Actress?! Taylor Swift is a prime example of one who attempts to use her fame to waltz into the Hollywood industry in order to further her popularity. Whether it’s music videos, guest star roles, or god forbid, featured films such as Valentine’s Day, Taylor Swift seems to confuse acting with getting high. Someone please save her, because if she were a Pokemon, she would hurt herself in confusion.

8. White dresses, glittery dresses, fake eyelashes galore! I’ve heard a lot of fans say that the reason they like Taylor Swift is because “she’s so pretty.” Personally I think Ms. Swift resembles Beavis from Beavis and Butt-head. It wouldn’t be too bad, if it weren’t for the fact that every time I enter a grocery store, I bump into magazine covers of Beavis Swift. However, if we assume her attractiveness is what makes her appealing, then why the hell is she singing?

9. And the winner is… “Oh my god, oh my god, I’m going to open my mouth really wide!” Every time Taylor Swift wins an award, she looks like she got hit by a bus. Think about it. The fact that Ms. Swift herself is so surprised she wins any award means she isn’t suppose to win in the first place. As long as the shower of awards and media attention continue, Ms. Swift will continue to believe that she is an accomplished artist, and the garbage that is her songs will continue to crowd the radio stations.

10. The brutal death of country music. Speaks for itself.

Bottom Line: Taylor Swift’s popularity signifies the death of talent in the music industry. It is a slap in the face to hundreds of aspiring musicians,who are being told daily by the entire world that the key to success is not talent or ambition, but stupid teenage girl hype. And ladies? Here’s some girl to girl advice. Keep thinking like Taylor Swift and become an old maid.

Convinced? Unconvinced? Comment!!!

* I invite debate. However, I delete all comments made up entirely of cuss words or racial slurs. Are you kidding me? You’re showcasing the idiocy of Swift fans when you can’t string a proper sentence together. And oh yeah, on the subject of jealousy: Criticism advances human kind. Jealousy is feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages. Hate is to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward. Know the difference. Why would I want to be someone who I think sucks?!

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22 responses to “MusicRant: 10 Reasons Why Taylor Swift Sucks

  1. This is awesome. Taylor swift should die in a fire while being shitted on by manbearpig.

  2. Wow, interesting. Some things I agree with, others I totally disagree with.
    Good for a nice LOL though.

  3. Basically sums up how I feel about her.

  4. This is awesome! We’ll link to it on our site.

  5. Pingback: Hey folks, we’re back! « Taylor Swift Can't Sing

  6. Brilliant. I couldn’t have said it better myself. You have a knack for being witty and hitting the nail right on the head. This is hysterical, and unfortunately, absolutely true. I want to pull my hair out when my niece is obsessing over Swift shit! She truly believes there are only two kinds of women: angels and sluts (thanks to the You Belong With Me video), only two kinds of men: Prince Charmings and Losers (thanks to every other horrible Taylor song) and doesn’t appreciate musical quality and talent (thanks to Taylor herself). I really really hope she is the “tone-deaf flavor of the moment” that critics perceive her to be, because it breaks my heart that she’s enjoying success when women who really can belt it out, like Shania Twain, are hidden from the limelight.

  7. Thank you! Unfortunately everyone seems to have some niece or relative who’s in love with the Swift.

  8. Haha, if she was a pokemon what would she be?

  9. I think she would be a Jinx. What do you guys think?

  10. I like Taylor Swift. I do agree that she is terrible live..however, I love the songs she writes because most of them are things I’ve gone through myself. Everyone always says that all the songs she sings are about boys and either breaking-up or being in love, which the majority of them are, but listen to the country radio station..most songs are about love or break-ups. Plus, I write about that kind of stuff all the time. the only difference is that I can’t sing what I write.
    And about #6…it’s fine that Joe broke up with Taylor..it’s not that he broke up with her…it’s because he did it over the phone, which i think is a dick move no matter if you’re a boy or girl, celebrity, or regular everyday person.

  11. I acknowledge that a big reason for her popularity is because many people can relate to the subjects she mentions in her songs. But my biggest issue with Swift has never been with what she deals with, it’s how she reacts to difficult situations. Many people have been through tough times (worse than someone breaking up with them over the phone, trust me). Continuously mulling over how other people have hurt you and broadcasting this news to the world will never make you happier or stronger. The problem with Taylor Swift is that her fame hinges almost entirely on this attitude, and it is not a healthy or attractive one, especially for someone who claims to be a role model for young women and aspiring artists.

  12. Person_who_thinks_you_should_all_shut_the_f_up

    Holy crap people get a f***ing life! When she gets an award she’s suprised because she had to rise up from the ashes and she cant believe shes made it this far. And name one damn celebirty who doesnt wear makeup! And Joe Jonas breaking up with her for another girl on a 27 second phone call is way diffrent than her breaking up with T. Lautner face to face. And her songs? Well, why don’t you write one hmm? Why don’t you get up from behind you laptop screens and do something with your life?Stop sitting around critizing people when you don’t have half the talent they do! And sorry “American Girl” that taylor was raised like she was. Not everyone has to be raised in polverty you know! And if you would just shut your mouths and actually listen to her lyrics and all of her songs, you’d find out that these are her outlets. She writes songs and music by herself! Now, you can start critizing when you write songs, and when you can sing like she does but until then (which is never) SHUT THE FLIP UP AND STOP THE HATING! Like so many people say, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

  13. I love this comment. And I always have time to respond to the objections of TS fans.
    1. “She can’t believe she’s made it so far.” Nobody else can believe it either. That’s the point.
    2. Makeup is designed to enhance your beauty. If there is none, then it is of no use.
    3. Two wrongs don’t make a right. No matter how someone broke up with you, lashing back by getting everyone on your side is immature.
    4. Comparison is not the basis for measuring talent. As a matter of fact, I have a certification on teaching music and study voice, therefore I do know how to write songs and sing. But no matter how much talent I have, it doesn’t make Taylor Swift’s talent any more impressive.
    5. You actively came to this site and read up on why a singer you like sucks. If anyone doesn’t have a life, it’s you.

  14. It never ceases to amaze me that people with no talent like Fabian (I was embarrassed to even listen to him) and Taylor Swift (ditto) seem to have successful careers. I guess that with lots of money, a good marketing firm, and sleeping with the right people you can still achieve the American Dream.

  15. I’ve never heard about Fabian, but if he’s in the same category as Taylor Swift he must be pretty bad.

  16. I like Taylor…She’s sweet,innocent,cute and most of all a decent singer…:)
    I think she wud b the 1st gal whom i personally love wid curls…<3

  17. …and what awards have you won lately? Get that songwriting contract at age 14? I’m no big Taylor Swift fan, but I’m a huge fan of setting goals, overcoming obstacles and achieving your dreams., regardless of whether they bring fame and fortune or just anonymity and peacefulness.

    Taylor 1
    You 0

  18. This made me smile. I’ll admit she didn’t really bother me until You Belong With Me. But listening to her try to hit he high notes in the chorus made me think my ears were going to bleed. Soon after, it was like I couldn’t escape her on the radio, which resulted in some car radio abuse. Who can focus on oncoming traffic when your being assaulted with whiny songs and bad singing. But anyways, thank you for saying what I’ve been thinking.

  19. Ten Reasons why Taylor Swift is awesome:
    1 – 5
    1.WHEN SHE MANAGES TO SING IN TUNE, SHE SOUNDS LIKE AN ANGEL
    Just because she doesn’t know how to sing doesn’t mean she can’t. Some people don’t need training; evidently she does and it makes it very difficult to defend her when she doesn’t get it. I don’t know what’s going on there but the twenty percent of the time that she doesn’t mess up, she sounds fantastic. There is a good voice there under all the flat notes and auto-tune.
    2. HEADLESS CHICKEN DANCING
    This is one of the things that makes Taylor so great. By being an insanely popular artist who absolutely cannot dance but does so anyway with absolute joy and abandon, she shows that it’s not only ok to dance like a spaz, it can be cool.
    3. I’M SHINING LIKE FIREWORKS OVER YOUR SAD EMPTY TOWN
    Yes you have to sift through the glitter and bubblegum to get to the real gold lyrically with this girl but it’s worth it. I happen to like the glitter and bubblegum but if that was all she had to offer, I’d be all, “Yeah, thanks, have a nice day.” There is actually more to her but in order to appreciate her surprisingly concise and wise words you have to first accept that shiny side of her. Which I’m guessing you’re not gonna do any time soon. OK. Worth a shot.
    4. SCREWING UP RELATIONSHIPS
    I’m probably gonna end up repeating this statement, but that’s because it’s true and applies to several of the points you raised, American Girl (awesome name, by the way) : Taylor writes about how she feels about crap. Yeah, real events and people inspire those events and she refrences them but the point is how they impacted her, not the details. She was a teen-aged girl. She felt like she’d found her Prince Charming. Plot twist: she didn’t. When she discovered this it felt like he was Some Hideous Being Trying To Break Her Heart so she took those feelings and put them in a song. She’s not actually saying that guys are either perfect or the devil, just that it feels like that for some young people, including herself. Here’s an interesting fact you might not have known: apparently, songs are subjective. They’re about self-expression, not facts. Yeah, I know; weird.
    5. GRACE
    I should preface this with the fact that I didn’t really understand point number five. It didn’t really make much sense to me. I’ll try to respond anyway but my lack of understanding may weaken my argument.
    First of all, have you ever been punched in the face? It hurts. Crying releases dopamine and makes the body feel better. I don’t know what this has to do with Taylor swift, but I’ll try to guess.

  20. 5 – 10
    Secondly, there is a third option, a middle-ground between punching back and whining about it. I believe Taylor chose the third option. She never bad-mouthed Kanye in interviews; instead she made a pretty harmless joke about it on SNL and wrote an awesome song for him that I don’t really think he deserves, although I’m glad she did because it rules. She didn’t get aggressive about it either. Initially I think she was just in shock so she didn’t really react at all, but when she came back out to receive her award, she could have let him have it. She didn’t. She said her thank-yous and moved on like an adult. I’m not sure how to respond to the rest of what you said in this point. Thirdly, I don’t recall any of her songs being about enjoying sadomasochistic relationships. Granted, I’ve only listened to them about five hundred times so what do I know? The only song that comes to mind that would even be close to this is “The Way I Loved You” which is about missing the passion of a relationship that wasn’t exactly healthy. Again, it’s about feelings. Just because she wants to get back with this guy doesn’t mean she’s going to;evidently she was smart enough to get out of there in the first place – assuming she was the one to break it off(not that that matters; as I said the details of the situations don’t really interest me that much but I was just covering muh bases). Fourthly – and this is gonna be really difficult here because this part made the least sense to me – I don’t think she’s started any I-Feel-Bad-For-Myself movements. If such a movement exists, it’s been around much longer than Tay Tay (yes, that’s what I call her. I know that doesn’t help my argument. I don’t care). If people feel bad for themselves and act like victims, that’s their own problem they need to sort out. Don’t put that on Taylor. She’s not responsible for teenaged angst, she just likes to write about it in the form of catchy songs with banjos.
    6. SHE LOVES AND RESPECTS MEN BUT IS HONEST ABOUT HER FEELINGS WHEN THEY PISS HER OFF
    Oh, yeah, Taylor Swift is hardcore. Eat your heart out, Roseanne Barr; there’s a new misandrist in town. You better watch out boys, you don’t wanna get on Taylor Swift’s bad side or she’ll… write a song about you! Or worse, she’ll mention you on Ellen! Oh, the hate this girl inflicts on men. Even though I didn’t understand point five, I think the basic gist of it was that Taylor’s a weakling who let’s guys walk all over her and encourages young girls to do the same. The very next point was that she’s a gun-toting feminist who constantly hates on guys and encourages young girls to do the same. Hmm, interesting. I can’t stress this point too strongly: the girl writes what she feels. Forever and Always is not even that harsh. I’m kind of sick of hearing that it is. The lyrics are incredibly tame. Ok, this is just my opinion, but try listening to the song – or even just googling the lyrics. It’s not even about him being a douche; it’s about that point in a relationship where you can see the end coming and you think back to all the times that other person told you it would all work out and wonder where it all went wrong. The most scathing part of the song is when she says “Did I say something way too honest; made you run and hide like a scared little boy?” Oh, ouch. What a bitch. Seriously? Seriously? She even wrote a follow-up song called “Last Kiss” which is about all the little things she loved about him and how much she missed him for a while and how she hopes that wherever he is right now, he’s happy. It’s on “Speak Now”. I don’t think Joe Jonas has to worry about being hated by teen-aged girls. Just going out on a limb here; I think he’s going to be OK in that department.
    Basically the same argument can be applied for every one of her songs about guys that aren’t about how awesome they are – although I admit Picture to Burn is a challenge.

    7. I DON’T THINK THIS IS RELEVANT BUT THE GIRL CAN ACT
    Cate Blanchett she’s not; she has some things to work on if she’s ever going to get serious about it but she knows what she’s doing and I’ve seen worse from people they’ve given Oscars to. I’m no actress but if I had the opportunity to act, hells yeah I would take it; and not for popularity but because it’s such a cool thing to do. Good for her. I really think it’s more of a hobby, though. Even if she was terrible, it’s important to know how to act for her videos and performances I guess, but to a small extent. Although, if I were Taylor, I would’ve rethought the whole “CSI” thing. Her Mum killed her because she died her hair. Yeah.
    8. HER ATTRACTIVENESS IS A CONSTANT DEBATE
    This may seem like an odd thing to find awesome about someone but it’s kind of ideal to be a fan of someone who is is seen as a beautiful creature by one half and a squinting uggo by the other half. One can admire her beauty without being threatened by it. The whole “white dresses, glittery dresses, fake eyelashes” thing is all part of that shiny side of Taylor I happen to find charming but you seem to detest. She’s a girly girl. They like that stuff. Seems pretty harmless to me.
    9. SHE’S HUMBLE TO A FAULT
    Yeah, this one kind of annoys me, too, but it’s still a good thing and makes her awesome because it means she’s not the up-her-self snob everyone makes her out to be. She actually is the kind, modest girl-next-door we make her out to be. Either that or she’s just putting on an act; but of course that would make her a pretty good actress, wouldn’t it?
    10. SHE MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH COUNTRY MUSIC AGAIN
    Firstly, I think of Taylor as country-pop and each album seems to get a little less country; but being a fan of hers made me listen to country radio and watch the Country Music channel in the hopes of hearing or seeing her or something to do with her. Before this, I had forgotten how awesome country music was. I guess I thought I’d grown out of it. I am not alone here. Taylor woke up a whole bunch of people to country music. Rather than killing country music, she has done so many great things for it. She was the first country singer to win the MTV Award for Female Video of the year and I believe – although you might think me insane for suggesting it – that she was partially responsible for Lady Antebellum winning two of the five Grammies they received this year. The pure exposure she has brought to the genre is so massive that the industry tolerates her and allows her to be counted as part of it, even though she’s kind of a grey area. Plus, thanks to her I discovered Brad Paisley, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
    Bottom Line: Taylor Swift’s popularity defies the trend of dance music that is terroising our airwaves. Not that I mindtechno or hip hop but every freakin’ song sounds the same. It’s nice to still ahve a singer/songwriter out there. It is hope to those hundreds of aspiring musicians,who are being told daily by the entire world that you can do your own thing and be successful; and the point of being a Taylor Swift fan is not to think about her. It’s just to be honest about the facty that we happen to think she’s awesome. Old Maid? We’ll just see.
    Ps, I know how pathetic I am, so nno need pointing that out.

  21. @ Travis: Awards equal nothing. They are reflections of a population’s perception on a certain human being, not a truth about a person’s skill. Case in point: Ben Affleck won an Oscar. Is he the best in the industry? NO. On the subject of achieving your dreams, I am not bashing the idea of having goals. I’m just pointing out that there is no grace in crying or dishing out money on your way to the top.

  22. @Daniella First of all, I would like to congratulate you on being one of the only TS fans so far to write a somewhat coherent argument on her behalf. Basically you’re entire arguments lodges on the good feelings that she gives you when you hear her songs. Fine, I can accept that. However, my critique is based on her lack of talent and the damaging influence she has on the teen mindset and music industry of today. So in response, I will try to be as concise as I can in addressing your points.
    1. Any person who can somewhat carry a tune can “sing like an angel” on their best days. Of course she sounds fine when she sings in tune, but the problem is, she doesn’t sing in tune. You say that she’s fine when she “manages to sing in tune…twenty percent of the time”. That’s pretty bad for a professional singer, don’t you agree? My point is that she can’t sing because the very art of singing requires somebody to stay in tune MOST IF NOT ALL THE TIME.
    2. There is a difference between dancing without abandon while bringing entertainment and dancing as if you are forced to. Ever seen rock star Iggy Pop dance? That’s some silliness right there, but it’s entertaining. The problem is, TS obviously cares about how she looks when she’s performing, so much so that she gets nervous and tries to copy the “cool moves” of other performers. She lacks complete originality or naturalness.
    3. “I happen to like the glitter and bubblegum”. I find lyrics dealing entirely with how a boy will whisk me away from all the troubles of the world shallow and therefore unsatisfactory when it comes to the joy that one is suppose to find in music. But to each their own. We are arguing based on taste in this point and there is no way either of us can win. :)
    4. On her outlook on relationships, you say “Songs are subjective. They’re about self-expression, not facts.” I agree with this statement. However, this self-expression, being a public work of art, has every right to be held up for critique. My critique is that she creates a damaging perspective on relationships which influences young girls to be unable to cope maturely with the other sex. After all those songs and albums, she still has nothing more to say than that the boy who ended their relationship is “Some Hideous Being Trying To Break Her Heart”. There’s a sick obsession with being the victim here.
    5. I laughed when I read this: “First of all, have you ever been punched in the face?” I have been dumped and embarrassed, yes. However, I do not dwell on those feelings to the point that I lash out publicly at those who have hurt me. That’s pretty low and only serves to generate more negative feelings in which you cannot let go. As for her behavior toward Kanye West in which you stated that she “said her thank-yous and moved on like an adult”, writing a song about how he’s emotionally immature and performing it at an awards show is not my idea of letting go. It was her defending her “Innocence” on the matter and evading the subject, which was that she never deserved her VMA award in the first place. “She’s not responsible for teenaged angst, she just likes to write about it”. I disagree with that statement. As a public artist, she is responsible for the influences her product creates. Let’s take another similar example of pop culture that I haven’t had a chance to rant about yet: Twilight. Is it responsible for all teenage girls who want to desert their friends, family, and career for a fantastical, controlling boy ? No. But does it sure as heck generate a wave of girls to idealize that concept? Yes. I’ve heard more than one friend who have said that she wished an “Edward” can just take her away because her life sucks. Now, if Twilight was never created, I wouldn’t have to deal with pep talking these women about the reality, which is that making yourself feel bad won’t cause a gorgeous man to pity you and fall in love with you.

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